Note to Self

I find that whenever I am at an emotional an spiritual crossroads I am drawn towards Annie Rice novels. My faveorite growing up wasn’t Interview with the Vampire, but rather the Mayfair which series. Today I find myself drawn to The Wolf Gift and I have been listening to it on audio book all day as I deep clean the house while everyone is away. Lately I’ve been realizing the things I’ve lost since the pandemic and how much not leaving the house stripped me of inspiration. This past winter was also particularly brutal from my area of California. While I love living in the forest, the giant redwoods become ominous during hurricane force winds and drive away everything but survival. All of this coupled with my own COVID-19 experience, the death of my father, the trial of the murderer of a dead friend, and a whole slew of other jarring experiences has left me paralyzed and barely living. I find the itchiness to get out and EXPERIENCE mixed with a fear of doing so. That fear is grounded in so many different things. The friends I do have live far away and wrapped in their own emotional turmoil. 

I am working on getting back to at least my former self, but ideally slightly improved. I had been exercising consistently for a year and a half and gave up sugar for over a year only to have depression interrupt my exercise routine and send me back to eating sugar too often. I have long struggled with keeping up with my natural inclination to write. Dropping out of the MFA program took its toll among other things. Constantly being rejected for everything piece I have submitted — except one but at this point, it was so long ago. Today I dusted off a story I’ve been working on since 2020 and I am still stuck on how to continue where I left off. But I did surprisingly like what I had created so far, so I am going to make a point of continuing to work on it. It’s time to act and to live before another decade flies by. About a year ago I became a Reiki Master and have the dream of being able to transition into a full-time practice. 

I will write here what I want to manifest:

Experiencing new things and meeting new people

Writing more / Reading more

Back to a regular exercise routine

More focus on growing my Reiki practice

So let it be.