Have you ever seen death in someone’s eyes? Not the look of death a long dead corpse has, but of life struggling on the precipice and death slowly seeping in as all recognition of time and place are stripped away.
My wife had that look in her eyes on Friday night after a surgical complication. Everything went well during the surgery, but while in recovery she started having internal bleeding. At first we thought it was just the side effects of the anesthesia, the fatigue and being out of it. But her surgical drains started filling up with pure dark blood faster than I could empty them. She is fortunately much better, out of the ICU at home and resting.
It’s not the first I’ve seen life fade out of someone’s eyes, but last time the person died. I still can’t get the image of her eyes staring into space, losing the light of life out of my head. Ever since the incident I have felt like Morty in the scene where Rick and Morty bury their own corpses. In this moment I must be the strong one. Who else will do it with empathy? I’m really not sure. At this point, I don’t even want help. I don’t want to even physically talk to anyone but my wife and any medical professionals that can confirm her continued recovery.
Make sure those you love know you do. Let go of the little stuff. Life’s too short and sometimes ends abruptly even in the hands of medical professionals. My own sister completely ignores all but the most mundane posts. If she does it because she’s waiting from me to reach out, that’s not how it works. I shouldn’t be surprised she didn’t offer a lick of support when we were evacuated due to a wildfire. She just doesn’t give a shit and hasn’t in years.
Chestnut Cowboy 